God is

I am going through something
its different
I am realizing a lot about myself
and what i should be doing
we had a vocal freedom conference last night and today
many times i questioned why i continued being in the worship team
i have felt not set out for it, that i have the worst heart to be up there in front of others leading them to praise God.
But what if this is God's greatest plan for me? that i may someday praise Him with my whole heart and soul with pride and fear abandoned
what if He is just waiting for the day when i will fully comprehend how much He has done for me, how anyone else would be in the same position as me, that we are none of us worthy to live and breathe and find joy in life.
grace
i am taking discipleship evangelism classes
so far this is what i have learned to say:
Grace:
Heaven is a gift, it is neither earned nor deserved
Man:
man is a sinner, he cannot save himself
God:
He is loving and merciful, therefore He doesnt want to punish us
He is just therefore he must punish sin
Jesus Christ:
He is the infinite God-man
by His death He saved us, by His physical resurrection He ensured a place for us in heaven with Him
Faith:
it is not temporary nor is it a mere intellectual belief
it is placing your trust in Christ alone for your salvation and the response is the desire to obey Him

if that is faith, then i have some work to do
do i put my trust in Him alone?
i try to
i tell myself i do
but in hard times i make a decision and then pray that God will bless my decisions
thats something that i need to work on
i need to work on waking up thinking on His word
i want to be influenced only by Him
if you read this, please pray for me
i am far from perfect, and so are you, and God still loves us, because He is forgiving and merciful, after all that we have done and said we come back with repentant hearts willing to change, and He changes us.
God is loving and merciful,
His love and mercy are undeserved, but i accept it willingly